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DAY 7Lenola
tour entry 7 -
which
consists of a pair of old navy jeans. i have worn these faded jeans
for seven days straight now. they are starting to develop a rich gamey
aroma. old navy boxers (medium) 100% cotton, i change these daily, along
with my 100% white cotton socks (wal-mart). so it shows you i am not
a complete barbarian. the shirt i am now wearing is an old Gap green
long-sleeve pullover that i have worn for only five days now. but back
to the Cowboy Hat! i love it! when i put that thing on, my cajones triple
in size. when i put that thing on, i am no longer some suburban dork
who smells real bad. when i put that thing on, i am immediately transformed
into a hard traveling diesel fueled psychotic cowboy on a steel horse
i ride. when i put that thing on, people no longer give me the "you
ain't from around a-here are you?" look every time i stroll up to a
bar. when i put that hat on, i swagger up to a bar and the place parts
like the red sea. the barkeep quickly gets me a drink. the patrons around
the bar all give me the 'ol fisheye wondering who is the dark and mysterious
stranger that just graced them with his presence. when i put this thing
on, men crap their pants in fear as i approach them, women throw themselves
at me and beg for me to impregnate them with my vile demon seed. i love
this hat. i'm going to wear it at every show. everyone should get one.
i am starting a nationwide trend. jump on now because pretty soon you're
going to see Gaps ads featuring hundreds of androids/models lip-synching
"i wana be a cowboy" while the Orwellian mantra screams "EVERYONE IN
COWBOY HATS!". we land in the Twin Cities, home of Prince, Kirby
Puckett, and of course, Gov. Ventura. none of those cheeky
bastards bothered to show up. the doorman at the club yells at us for
being late, we have to hold back Dave from clubbing him with a prosthetic
leg that he found on the ground. prosthetic limbs are littered all over
the streets of Minneapolis, they must've had a party or something. we
go on play till our fingers bleed, sean was hitting the drums so hard
you could see a thin trickle of blood oozing down each ear. jay and
dave work themselves into such a frenzy that they actually started sweating
blood. I rocked so hard my bowels released and spilled excrement all
over the stage. we wipe up our mess and the next band goes on stage.
DAY
1,
DAY 2, DAY
3, DAY 4,
DAY 5, DAY
6, DAY
7, DAY
8, DAY 9,
DAY 10 |
one time we stayed at a friend of ours house in middle